Fixed some minor problems:

It's snowing heavily at this time. May fall up to 15-inches by tomorrow morning. If it is, then the school will be closed. And I'll be happy because tomorrow I got 2 quizzes.

Some of us are planning for a snow-tubing this weekend. Well, looks like the condition is now brightened. Just got my allowance from JPA and turned in my HW for Matrices. Then I got good marks for my last calc quiz. So, leaving all these stuffs behind and go for a snow-tubing is a good idea. Moreover today's snow might well turned State College into a playground in the next 2 days.

Then, comes the spring break, about a month from today. Many had invited me to join them for NYC-trip. I myself are planning to visit some friends in Wisconsin. Bout 10 of them. It's pretty hard to make a decision on this. For now, Wisconsin is more interesting.

My current projects are MASAPSU's website and finishing my interactive tutorials on Flash MX. Hope I can get them done by Spring break.

Changed my bg music. Join me musing with Muse

_____________________ enjoy!

Can't Take My Eyes Off of You
MUSE (Lauryn Hill)

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived.
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off of you.

Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak.
But if you feel like I feel.
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off of you.

I need you baby, and if it's quite all right,
I need you baby to warm a lonely night.
I love you baby. Trust in me when I say OK:
Oh pretty baby, don't let me down I pray.
Oh pretty baby, now that I found you, stay.
And let me love you,
oh baby let me love you, oh baby....

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived.
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off of you.

I need you baby, and if it's quite all right,
I need you baby to warm a lonely night.
I love you baby. Trust in me when I say it's OK
Oh pretty baby, don't let me down I pray.
Oh pretty baby, now that I found you, stay.
And let me love you,
oh baby let me love you, oh baby....

I need you baby, and if it's quite all right,
I LOVE you baby to warm a lonely night.
I NEED you baby. Trust in me when I say it's OK
Oh pretty baby, don't let me down I pray. Oh pretty
baby, now that I found you, stay. And let me
love you, oh baby let me love you, oh baby....

Posted by Ahmad Fadzli on January 28, 2004 at 6:02:00 AM | Permalink

Lama sungguh tak update jurnal nih.

Anyway, since then, so many things have changed. I changed my schedule again. This time my first class is at 9 in the morning. And all those 9am-classes are lectures. I just worried that someday in the middle of the semester I will become lazy. So I took precaution.

At the end of the first week, I finally agreed that this semester was not to good to begin with. I had so many problems that at one time, I bursted in the middle of the night. I couldn't stand those feelings that I have been constraining. They were keep coming, one after another. Sometimes, I just wondered, why I am being tested like this.

My friends asked, and I could do nothing other than smiling... Pretending to enjoy "the jokes".

I just afraid that these problems might affect my studies. I am running away, and I afraid that I will run away from my responsiblities too. I just don't know where to turn to. I am used of being independent. I don't feel like sharing my problems and I don't feel like thinking bout them.

What's worse is that, these problems might send me back to Malaysia someday, where there is no return to the United States. I've been thinking bout this since last summer. I just pray that I can make it. This semester is crucial.

At this moment, I feel tired. I feel hopeless. I feel dependent, and I feel like a coward. I just hate these feelings. I wish I could comprehend the situation soon and make them fade away. I wish that I can return to a calm day, where I can focus on what I should be doing, rather than thinking hard to solve problems that shouldn't not appear.

Just now, we had a jamuan kesyukuran for our new muslim brother, Alex, at Ku's apartment. I just wonder how Alex thought about changing his faith and what is he thinking now after he accepted Islam as his new religion. I know it's not easy but something must had triggered his willing to discover Islam. Something strong enough that can change one's deep faith.

Not in this situation where his government just invaded Iraq.

I feel happy for him that he chose to live the way the Muslims live. I hope somebody (if not me) can hold his hands, teaching him about how wonderful Islam is so one day he will be grateful. I hope that that somebody feels what I feel now, Alex as a white snow, "unsinned".

Posted by Ahmad Fadzli on January 25, 2004 at 3:52:00 PM | Permalink

I don't know about others, but for me, I'll get excited everytime it's snowing. My eyes will never get tired looking outside the window. I feel relaxed.

My friends always pick on me because of my interest towards snow is kinda weird. I can stare at those tiny snowflakes on my black jacket for hours, analyzing its shape and proving that snowflakes always have 6 edges. That fact always astonishes me. I also enjoy stepping on deep snow.

Not that I didn't appreciate the lovely scene.

Sometimes, without realizing, I was far away from my friends, infatuated by the trace I made. I usually take hard route (where the floor is covered the deepest) especially when the sidewalk is salted. That's how interested I am about snow.

It gets romantic when walking inside the falling snow. Too bad there's no company :p Sometimes, I will close my eyes and try hard to remember these moments before it fades away. I know... I'll be missing them someday.

Wednesday is the busiest day of the week. I have 3 consecutive lectures and a 2-hours lab. i woke up early in the morning around 7 a.m. I know it's late in Malaysia but the fact that Fajr prayer time ends at 7:35 makes a different (it will get later than that by Spring). It's still dark when I got out of my apartment.

I began to enjoy my new daily schedule because somehow, it reminds me of my ol' days. Feeling new and fresh, I walked to the bust stop, being assured that the 7:35 bus is not there yet.

It's always true that morning hours are productive hours. I kinda believe this because learning calculus in my morning class is like streaming information from the internet. I can understand them easier when compared to what I had in last semester where most of my classes were in the afternoon.

My biological clock is also normally corrected. I no more cling to alarm clock. I can wake myself up. I feel happy because to me, this is an improvement. Well you guys know how hard it is to wake me up. Tido mati!

I'm quite satisfied with my life now. Being able to take care of myself makes me feel wiser (and prepared? :p). This year I will be 22 and that kinda makes me think hard on improving my life.....

I started reading a book, a gift from a friend long time ago. Maybe most of you did read this book. It is Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time". I refused to read it before because I was afraid that I will get bored easily. Well, not anymore, especially at a 3 chapters-per-day rate. A very interesting book, generally he discussed about space and time and a little about the Superstring Theory; "One Theory to Rule Them All"

Somebody asked me why I am writing my journal in English. I thought nobody cares about it but somebody does. Makes me feel appreciated :) Well, again... I dont really know why :p

I'd say, let the water flows (across the life span) ....

Posted by Ahmad Fadzli on January 15, 2004 at 6:08:00 AM | Permalink

First day of school. As for now, everything went fine except this beating in my head. My headache seems to attack me pretty frequent recently. At this moment I'm writing this journal while my body is bedded.

So, there goes my first day of school. I take 16 credits this semester, expecting a tough semester ahead as then I just managed to earn mostly 12 credits. My classes bagin as early as 8:00 every morning. End around 10-11. And then I'll have a class in the afternoon.

There are some improvements around the campus. New buildings like the new ITS building is now up and online. The most sophisticated building in Penn State as far as I know. Follow this link for the pictures. But it is not ready to be occupied by the computer engineering deparment staffs yet.

Apart from visual upgrades, Penn State also introduces the new College Napster for its students. This allows student to download songs from Napster.com database for free. Yes.. all the 99 cents per song songs are now available for on-campus students for free. Luckily, Penn State is the first university that allows its student to download copyrighted musics (a different case from MIT, which bought all the songs and copyrighted them under its name)

For more news about Penn State and Napster, follow this link

For most students, the first day isn't about studying the first chapter, it is about understanding the instructors and the courses. I just knew that Americans use the term shopping (in college term) to define this effort. Students will spend their first day going or shopping to every class they can, eventhough they didn't register for the classes. They will be visiting lecture halls and labs from one to another in order to choose the best courses or the best sections that fit their schedules (or whatever) the best.

There are so many things that differ from what I used to in Malaysian colleges. Dropping/adding subjects electronically, using my own credit cards to buy textbooks, using three-holes binders, taking exams online, emailed grades, vortal (online forum); just to name a few for which I supposed much are influenced by the overwhelming United States technology.

Most of them did make things simpler and easier. Studying is no more than a click away. Everything can be accessed at home. Advisors have much time to relax than before and ques in registrar offices are often shorter than ques in dining halls.

Enough of that. I should focus on my studies from now on. Or else I would end up being a loser. Being rejected by a dream girl is better than losing a couple of semester credits.

I am now industrially motivated. The whole major preference process did motivate me to be more serious. And I am glad that I started okay. I hope I will remain motivated till the final week.

Posted by Ahmad Fadzli on January 13, 2004 at 9:59:00 AM | Permalink

Sedih tak lagu baru aku nih? Bagi aku lagu ni sedih sebab aku dah tengok Summer Snow!! isk.. salah satu cerita yang buat air mataku bergenang...

Weekend terakhir sebelum Winter break berakhir. Mungkin aku dah boleh ulas sedikit apa yang aku dah buat sepanjang break ini:

Pagi Selasa.
Tinggal seminggu sebelum sesi Spring 2004 bermula. Bermakna, tak lama lagi aku akan kembali berasmara dengan buku2, dengan assignments2, dengan segala benda alah yang buat otak aku penat.

Aku harap aku cukup bersedia.

Semalam, member2 ex-Sunway College aku sampai dari University of Southern California. Jauh mereka merantau, dari West ke East. Pergi menyambut tahun baru di Times Square. Alang2 sudah berdekatan, mereka singgah di State College, berjumpa kami sebelum pulang ke West keesokannya. Ada yang sudah lebih setahun aku tak jumpa.

Su Lin, Idaman, Aie, Man dan Ghee Soon, seronok berborak dengan derang. Tak habis2 mereka bertanya, "bila nak snow?" dan tak habis2 juga kami memujuk, nanti snow la tuh. Di West, mereka tak merasa empat musim. Tak merasa musim bunga, musim luruh, musim sejuk. Yang mereka rasa hanya musim panas. Macam di Malaysia. Dalam diam kami juga harap hari ni akan snow. Paling tidak pun, sebelum mereka pulang.

Mungkin nasib mereka baik, pagi ini snow sedikit walaupun tidak lebat :)

Aku rasa bershukur sebab ditempatkan di Sunway College untuk preparation program. Berbanding di Shah Alam, kami di sini tak ramai. Hubungan itu memang rapat, biarpun kami berbeza latar belakang, berbeza kaum namun kami tak rasa kekok lepak bersama. Kadang2 aku terharu pada mereka yang cuba bercakap dalam bahasa melayu walaupun agak pelat, walaupun kami sepatutnya berkomunikasi dalam English. Usaha mereka itu ada. Dan aku, aku juga cuba memahami mereka.

Baru minda aku ini disuntik lantas terbuka. Malaysia negara berbilang kaum. Bukan negara Islam, bukan jua negara Melayu. Sempit sungguh pemikiran aku sewaktu di sekolah menengah...

Ironiknya, ramai yang masih bersikap sombong. Bersikap acuh tak acuh, tidak mahu membuka minda lalu menidakkan kehadiran mereka. Kata mereka, puak kafir adalah musuh. Hanya dengan ini, mereka membenci secara zahir. Aku kata, walaupun mereka musuh, meletakkan sesuatu pada tempatnya (adil) itu wajib. Janganlah membenci pada zahir kalau mereka tidak membenci kita pada zahir. Tak salah kalau kita kasih pada mereka, cuba selamatkan mereka. Kan itu lebih baik?

Tak ramai yang berfikiran begini. Aku harap kamu tidak begitu.

Posted by Ahmad Fadzli on January 6, 2004 at 9:48:00 PM | Permalink

Aduuh.. sedapnya lah bunyi petikan gitar kat jurnal aku nih. Kalaulah jari2 aku ini mampu menari di atas gitar aku dengan lebih baik.

Lagu ni membuatkan aku teringat pada kisah2 lama. Kisah2 sebelum tahun 2004. Kisah2 semasa umur ini belum menjangkau alam 20-an. Bila dengar lagu ini, kenangan yang pahit juga boleh menggembirakan. Mengeluh sambil tersenyum :)

Thanks azya for the lovely song!

huh... 2004. Pantas sungguh masa berlalu. Terlalu pantas sampaikan sepanjang tahun ini aku tercungap. Seakan mengejar bayang sendiri sewaktu berjalan menjauhi tiang lampu. Semakin menjauh. Aku akui, tahun 2003 memang meletihkan. Soal belajar, soal duit, soal perasaan... menjadikan hidup aku serba tak kena, serba tak menjadi. Yup.. 2003 memang membuatkan aku tercungap.

Kadang2 aku harap masa dapat berhenti sekejap. Memberi ruang untuk aku berehat. Tapi hakikatnya tidak.....
Dalam tak sedar adik2 aku semua sudah besar. Aku rindukan adik aku yang paling muda di kala ini. Kamil namanya. Aku semacam takut kalau aku pulang ke Malaysia terlalu lambat dan lihat dia yang sudah membesar; terlalu besar untuk bergurau-senda bersama seperti dulu.

Eh panjang la plak aku tulis ni. Takpalah, tgh ada mood... Bukan senang ade mood macam ni :p

Tak banyak yang aku harapkan menjelangnya tahun baru ini. Cukuplah kalau aku dapat terus hidup. Diberikan peluang untuk cuba memaafkan diri, diberikan kesihatan untuk teruskan perjuangan di sini...

dan aku harap aku akan tidak lupa untuk bershukur.

Posted by Ahmad Fadzli on January 3, 2004 at 3:48:00 AM | Permalink

launched!!
akhirnya... setelah sebulan berhempas pulas, dapat jugak siapkan version yang satu nih. Adela sikit lagi tak siap. Bukan sebab takde mase, tapi sebab takde idea. Tadik aku baru pi tgk bunga api. Kecik jer sambutan. Dah kate area kampung. Yep.. it's new year.. azam baru? cam biasa.. just move on.. :p okeh guys.. hepi new year... adios.

link ke v2.0~perfection

Posted by Ahmad Fadzli on January 1, 2004 at 2:20:00 PM | Permalink